the glass that shatters

so how can i tell you? the remains of today still trickle down my body. I sung three words while you were sitting next to me...and u didnt know i was wanting to sing it to you. what the hell am i doing here?

i know i need to break free but you cut so far into my heart that i cant fight you off.

im weak and pathetic, something ive never felt before. why you? why now? feel my heart beat, can you hear it?

"And it hurts my soul Cos I can't let go All these walls are caving in I can't stop my suffering I hate to show that I've lost control Cos I, I keep going right back To the one thing that I need to walk away from"

i wanna run away from you, from everything, and i know you dont read this so im ok with saying what i want on here. You... the person that makes me laugh,cry, want to smile, want to die, want to fall into your arms and want to hit you. I am falling for you and i hate us...for what i feel.



I now write from my heart. The truth is I don’t know how I got this far. How I fell in love with you. I thought I wouldn’t feel like this about you. I never intended to feel like this. I wish I could tell you how much I love you. Every single part of you. But I can’t. I can’t even possibly try to say how I feel, so I hide it. I talk about u all the time. If I could ever get rid of what I feel I wish it was now. I feel so fucking awful because I know I can’t have u now and never, I think that what hurts the most. I’m sitting here next to the memory of us and I can still feel you.

I know why I’m trying to get myself out of this but the truth is I don’t want to. Everything will be so different without you. It’s like I’m addicted to you. When I see you I have no control over my body, over my words, over my actions. I want to do so much more. I want to show you so much more than you already know. I know you can never feel the way I do about u. But I dream every night that you can. I try everything to get my mind off you and nothing works.

I stood there in the dark with tears dripping down my face and all I wanted is for you to come and hold me in your arms and tell me everything would be ok. But who am I kidding? You got me so addicted and you don’t even know it. You don’t even realise everything I write is about you... my blogs, my poems. Everything. God knows how I can tell the whole world how I fell for some man who I knew I couldn’t fall for. I guess it will be easier to tell you through words when I’m far away from you, when I’m just a distant memory... if that at all. If I’m so beautiful why can’t you hold me? I want to scream and just tell the whole world how I feel but how I can when it will ruin us...you...everything. Everyone says your playing mind games and yeah I know you are but I can’t let go this spell you have me under is killing me. The sooner I get away the better.

But would that make it any easier? Will I still crave you? Maybe I don’t love you, that what I keep telling myself but it doesn’t work nothing does. I’ve even tried resembling you with evil things but that just makes me want you more. I’m so pathetic. How can I feel this way about u, you and I are dancing in my head the spotlight is on us, for the first time ever and everything is so warm and all that matters is us? No one else. Why do I let myself feel like this about you? What do you see when you look at me. The truth is no one can ever love u as much as I do and you can never love me as much as I want you to. You gave me beauty and a warm heart full of pain I want you to take the pins out of my heart and wrap yourself around it. But I know this can never be. The stars will always lie to me but I will never forget you.

losing it

i dont want to lose you, i dont want to love you. its my fault im here. wish i had never met you, wish i had never fallen for you. everything gets harder with everyday life. im faking everything about me.

Say you dont love me and ill leave.

ive tried running and hiding but you always know where i am. i hate this but my heart says carry on. maybe for once my mind is right. But why tell me, what you told me? i wish i could scoop all these feelings out and give them back to you. i can smell you, your aftershave lingers and i see you infront of me (a distant memory of which i wish was still here)

i wish i could kiss you, call you mine, hold your hand, say to everyone that we have these feeling for eachother but i know i cant. but our lies are ruining me. evrything i write is about u. Ti amo

sometimes when i know im going to see you i want to run away and pretend im not who i am, i keep trlling myself i dont feel like this about u but its obvious i do. im scared you can see through this mesh of emotions that i hide infront of me as a wall to protect me.

too lost in you.