so here i am, gettin drunk again...my alcahol adivsor WILL be pleased.

Ive now realised everything that was once gold turns to plastic after ive touched it. my hand stings from where ive burned it with solvents. oh well it needs to be done. Kev has got this stupid thing in his head that i hate him and i dont.....not one bit. 5 people in my life have been depressed and they all were/are the people i love...im beginning to think its all down to me. No correct that it IS down to me.... everything i touch, everything i LOVE just hurts other people. Yes this is the first clear blog ive written since ive started but it doesnt mean im any clearer in what im thinking. im sick of being like this...im sick of bringing people down with me. I get drunk cause i get bored or cause i get down. its beginning to burn now.... have i got any soul left? am i going to be 21 grams lighter when i die?
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im dying to know whats wrong with me....if ive got colitus or ibs or what and with my boobs...... god knows what and to be honest i dont care.

I had a dream last night.... well to tell the truth i had two...one i was breast feeding my own baby but i had a nipple ring in. Its was a girl and i remember my whole family being happy about it....then the next dream was about me and 2 girls on stage singing disney film music. I just dont know what is going on in my head right now.

im scared....help me