innocence

Through my blue eyes i see things more confusing. I know these feelings too well. So addictive, like a drug i cannot let go. Is it just me?

The river that i walk through gets deeper and i am getting stuck, yet there is no one to rescue me. Im reaching out to grab your hand but i cant reach you through the crowd of nobodies that surround you. The invisables of this world carry you away and im lost, stuck.

It feels like forever.

The dances of my dreams seem so real, then i waken into my life and realise that the dances of my reality seem so empty. How do you feel? Can You understand? Look beside me, look through me, im the glass china doll with the broken face. Yet i carry on smiling. The Stars above tell me that the darkness i see and feel will someday be warm and bright.

The pillows on the bed from the music dance in my mind. With Arms Wide Open i think of you, my distant memory. Would you be proud?

I lay in the place where i saw you and still see you there.

my old poems about family, love and loss?

Someday you'll stop messing my head up,
I thought you'd realise,
now im confused again,
I expect you to do it again,
you've dont it before,
making up will be hard to do,
you lost your mind but i lost my childhood,
you say your sorry but are you really
?maybe its only guilt or shame,
that you lost your only real child,
building the bridge when we havnt got the material,
how can we do it?
you dont even know me,
now im telling you how it really is,
to bring it home to you,
can i ever forgive you?
can i ever trust you?




She woke up screaming out for you,
Too afraid to call,
Lays there in the dark with tears running down her face,
She’s too scared,
shes doesn’t want to admit it,
She picks it up and looks at it,
She thought you could save her,
Now its too late, shes back there,
You ring her but she’s not answering, why?
You can’t figure out whats wrong,
Then you realise….
You play the song over and over in your head,
Shes slowly slipping away and theres nothing you can do,
You race round and see her laying there,
Shes cold but you can still see the tears,
You lay down next to her and pull the duvet up,
Hold her forever Till Death Us Do Part.



smiling, happy butterfly,
keeping people at a distance,
she is glass covered in plastic,
she is the broken winged one trying to fly,
her insides are painted black as the mdnight sky,
her outsies are the reminder of the best summers day,
black and scarred,
will they ever know?
she's trying to break free,
she is the captured one,
how long till she breaks?
she's the one drowning in ignorence,
shes the only one that can save herself,
wait for her to fall and crumble into bits,
satisfy their hungry need for failure




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The Bitter End - Divided by stones

what is love? what is lust? how can we justify the difference?

How can explain myself when i dont understand? Two paths and yet neither of them i can follow, Yet they pull me every which way and i cannot let go.

144 hours, 10080 seconds and it feels so dark but yet unfamilliar. But when i see the silk of the sea i know i am safe. So why cant the sea protect me? See you at the bitter end. With my hair down and my eyes brightly dark you cannot see the real me.

I Cannot make love. I cannot fuck.

i live on the belief but its the belief that shatters my dreams. Red and green is that all i will see? I wish i could tell the difference between the tangled thorns that press my heart into this so called chest of mine.

Look at me for i am the one who changed. You are the one who made me.

feelings and confusion

garh!

my body is doing what its told for once....shame about my heart not doing what its told... and now i think im finishing in last place.

deseo ser amé, pero no puedo permitirme sentir amor.

¡infierno de mierda corrupto yo más, mirada de la causa u tan buena cuando usted está en mi boca!

the more i think the more i see him. How can i have ambition when i know i will have set back after set back.

its so confusing and i dont know what i can do. I promised myself and now i have let myself down. 2500 down to 1000 and i feel great. just wishing you could see it. 3 down how much more to go? the only thing i can control. No one can over power me now.

refuse me not for i will be a part of your history, and you will be mine too.

fix me?

god i really don't know what is going on in my head....one minute im happy, next im in tears. argh it does my head in.

This HAS to be the end.

Learning something to please someone? where am i really going? why do i feel this " terrible so awful physical aching fucking longing" i have in my body. its almost like i've been poisoned. Im not me anymore. I dont know who i am or where i am.

i'm waiting for this world to kick start fully. life has been spluttering on like a car trying no get on its way. why am i letting myself be like this?

no pienso que puedo hacer frente mucho más de largo, pero biselo dejo voy. guardo el decir sí.

i feel so sick at the moment, this is not doing my body any good but fuck it, i really dont care. i want my end goal and i will get it. Take that which way you like but i can garentee you will be wrong. After all why would you know what i mean?

Remove all my makeup, Fragile face and those broken eyes. am i really who you think i am?

I'm becoming an expert at hiding, now im hiding from you and you cant even try to figure out where i am. "watch them travel, kiss the gravel" is that what you are doing to me? go back to yesterday where i was sane, where my life made sense.

no puedo rechazarle.

the single life.....and me

So, I'm a 21 year old single uni student, that has a heart which doesn't know what its doing. i have no idea what its telling me or even TRYING to tell me. The last 3 days i have feel so attractive and confident and now i feel so strange its unbeliveable. I feel physically hungry but i dont want to eat, i dont feel loved yet i want to be loved.

i dont know if im on a down fall cause i dont know if i took my antidepressants on friday. I thought i would enjoy single life, but all my friends are loved up and there's me, the single uni student who loves the works of Sarah Kane( R.I.P). Isnt it strange what we will do to impress someone?

back to black

i feel so close but i know i got along way to go and its this that is killing me. I dont make any sense. none of this makes sense! why did i let myself feel like this? am i still that confident attractive woman? who or what made me feel like that?

my arms feel so strong but the rest of me feels so weak. what next? do you think its possible for a person to be born in the wrong era? (sarah kane)

look at my skin cause u can see ive been there, and i know you have too.