and another! x

falling more,
deeper into your arms,
trying to stop,
but i am injured,
but i am not fragile,
so dont look at me like i am broke,
Im in too deep,
im wrapped around your heart,
like stone cold steel wire,
brusing you,
crushing you,
suffocating you,
i am the one you cannot escape,
is this love or just games?
is this our fault or singular fault?
you are my addiction,
the one that makes me go under,
yet i laugh when u say what you do,
and still i care,
im dying for you,
but im not breaking free.

and another!

Cause I’ll only love you forever,
So these tears will never dry,
You’ve stained my heart with your smiles,
Engraving my hands with your touch,
But i need you, i want you more,
The little girl you once knew has gone,
Here i stand infront of you in full bloom,
These eyes have seen you,
This mouth wants you,
Dance with me and let me fall into your arms,
Take me like i need to be,
Want me like im wanted,
Cause ill only love you forever ,
And these tears will never dry

new poem!

But you’re not here
And i still cry
I just cant get u out my head
It seems so surreal
The memories are so distant
Why cant you be here?
You erased all of them
The beautiful imperfections of my body
My scars you saw
My heart and body an open book
Missing words and colour
I long to hold you in my arms once more
Till then a distant memory you will be

broken wings

once again i fall from the tree i thought i was stable from. i want to be fixed but im too scared my wings get broken again. I need to have you. (once more) i need to love you (for the first time) i need to say it your face (I LOVE YOU). oh my god oh my god oh my god my heart aches.

she knows something is wrong and i yearn to tell her.

"How did she get this way? How did she get this way? Through tryin’ to hide it. What does it take to say, What does it take to say, She’s dying," eleanor mcevoy - sophie


It feels like i need to run away from you, but i want to grab you and shake you till i know how you actually feel. My butterfly isnt dying even though i cant stop crying. I just speak no sense. my tongue speaks another life and i dont know why or how.

How do i support so many people when i cant even support myself? Can i trust myself? do i love myself? How do people trust me? what makes me so worthy of things? i feel so numb and most of the time all i think of is you. "You" where are you? do i just dream you?

My dreams tell me your "special" That you hold my hand away from the innocent that sits infront of us.

what next?

another old poem....from 2 years ago pt2

running away from the pain,
too ashamed to tell the truth,
already regretting my mistakes,
i know i took your trust and i know your hurting,
belive me i'm telling the truth when i say im sorry,
never do it again it causes too much hurt,
how can i make it up to you.

another old poem....from 2 years ago

something makes me tick im ready to explode,
dont wanna have this feeling no more,
why cant i face the facts that im losing to a cancer thats grown and wont go away,
make the tears of red watch the surface part watch the numbers go down,
something will never change some people will never learn,


strange how im still feeling like this

new poem written today!

ok so its a bit crap but i ran back to write this down and nearly forgot it!!!!

Wasting to fit in,
wasting to be alive,
feeling the emptyness,
just to keep you,
eyes wide shut,
feeling the simplified lust,
the lust for 100,
only you can help,
the numbers shrink,
as my innocence goes up,
Dont tempt me with your heart,
dont expect me to open up,
Ill give you the fake expression,
and you will give me the cold heart.


AS USUAL DONT NICK IT....IF U WANT IT PLEASE ASK!

innocence and me

How does it feel to know that everything you do makes me smile? I crave though i know its not true. i want it to be all in my head. The four walls that now surround me scream with memories from yesterweek. The secrets that surround us tempt us more.

"How do you feel? That is the question But i forget.. you dont expect an easy answer"

wish it could be more. So good so devious. Its all innocent as we pretend that we are different. But i refuse.

And I taste What I could never have. How i wish to be her.

this "innocent" me wants to fly away, to figure me, to be me, to try to love (how can i love when im scared of love) My barriers are still in place but you know how to get through them.

Still the numbers go down and yet i feel happy is it wrong for me to feel like this? I know how i want to be. Kiss me as i fall laugh at me as i stand. But i will never be as weak as when i was before.

addiction

its getting more unbareable. this feeling for more is controlling my body. I want more of one thing an my body wants less of another. who knew i would feel like this. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and i think you know (how i feel) .

I am the angel when i am with you, i am the devil when im speaking your words. I wish i was her. My heart beams but i cannot tell. I wish i knew.

My halo slipped and you became the Sexy Boy, the one who could turn my moods in an instance. This is what im doing and this is why im doing it. I wish i could hold you, taste you, feel you. Im more the woman than you think i am. I've started dreaming (what am i doing?) I can love you more ( i cannot say this) . Im sittint here alone inside your head. Do you think of me? Do you wonder what if?

I shut my eyes and i am with you.